Helplessly Hopeless

I have come to the conclusion that dating in Atlanta is a myth. There is no way in the world anything should be as hard as it is to find a mate in the metro area!!

Yes, I’ve done the P.O.F.’s and Tinder thing, but have you seen the options???? UGH!!! And with the increasing rate of females using these “dating sites” for selling themselves, neither app lasted on my phone very long. I am honestly considering just paying for eHarmony! I mean, if someone is paying $50 for a membership they have to be serious right?

Or maybe I should just go back to hoping I meet someone at the grocery store or mall. I’m not a huge clubber and I don’t think I’d want to meet anyone out of the club anyway. I am soooooo close to throwing in the towel it’s not funny.

Who knows, I heard celibacy isn’t all that bad…….

Random

He says he wants this to be his last. 

I can’t help but feel he’s my first and my last. 

Struggle life…..TURN UP! 

Lately I’ve noticed way to many people wanting to claim a life of struggle or turn their perfectly “normal” life into a struggle because it seems like the “in” thing to do. Everyone wants to claim a hustle, claim a “trap” why? Because it makes your life more interesting to other people. Duh!! Like if you’re asked about your job, saying you Trap at club “ABC” is more interesting than saying you do customer service or data entry or any other normal 9-5 that isn’t as exciting. 

But the problem with the struggle is this: When mastered the smoke and mirrors game is on point. When played with it will choke the life out of you. 

Instagram can make anything look shiny and appealing. Whether you’re hawking waist trainers or busting out pole tricks. What Instagram DOESNT show you is the price that comes with that struggle. And believe me the struggle loves passing out invoices. 

That invoice can be for your sanity, your personal safety, your values, your beliefs, your self-worth and let’s not forget your dignity. 

From someone who has be caught up in the struggle please, stick to the rivers and the lakes that your used to! The struggle will every once in a while allow a couple of the chosen few to escape and escape on top. But for every ONE that escapes unscathed, 1000 more are consumed and destroyed by it. 

But by all means: TURN UP! 

Who left the door open?

Some doors, once closed, are meant to stay that way. No matter how much we may want to go back and right a wrong or rekindle a friendship or relationship. Some doors are just meant to remained closed. Just remember you closed it or it was closed for a reason. You may not understand or even like the reason, hence the desire to reopen it, but it’s not worth it. Because once it’s open again, no matter how pure your intentions, you will ALWAYS be reminded in some way, shape or form of why it was closed it in the first place. Eyes forward. The only thing that happens when you walk while looking backwards is an increase in the chances of tripping and falling. 

What’s Love Got To Do With It?

When it comes to love, let’s face it; some of us can be as shallow as a bottle cap of water. 

Everyone has their “list” of requirements: 

Him: Big ass, long hair, small waist, pretty, can cook, clean, sex on demand. 

I mean the list goes on and on! 

Her: tall, nice body, fine, dreds, tattoos (well maybe that’s mine) good job, no baby mama drama, a car, etc. 

But in reality, is this what love looks like? Or are we trying to put a face on something that has none? They say you can’t control who you fall in love with, and to some degree I agree; but I do believe you can control who you DONT fall in love with. 

It’s all in how you’re looking for love. If you’re looking with your eyes you’re always going to get a false positive with love. I can SEE Shemar Moore and THINK I’m in love, but what does my heart see?? 

I believe true love goes deeper than looks and goes directly to what the heart and soul sees and feels. However, many don’t want to listen and often times miss out on “the one” because he wasn’t packaged the way they wanted. To that all I can say is, GROW UP!! 

I am not exempt, I’ve felt this way at times. But I’m learning that it not always about the looks or laundry list of how I think he should be, but it is about what my heart needs him to be. 

What Love Truly Is….Do You Know?

All I wanted to do was love you……she wants to hurt you

I wanted to whisper in your ear how much I care about you….she wants to argue

There is nothing any other man could do to make me disrespect you…..she jokes about you with her other boo

In my mind, my body is yours for the taking….she just wants to give to see what she can take while spending your money, her affection so fake

Your well-being, your happiness your comfort come first….to her she wants no part of you unless you put her first

I look in your eyes and I see a glimpse of forever…….she looks and your eyes and it’s, whatever

Your touch, your smile, and the gentleness in your kiss all things I live for….things she doesn’t even miss

The passion in the love making so intense we don’t care if we’re not home alone……no passion from her to her you’re a stepping stone

Building you up and having your back, just a few ways of showing how much I love you and that’s a fact

She tears you down and it’s a game to her, nothing but entertainment yet you stake claim with her.

I hand you my heart trusting and full, but instead you’d rather deal with her and all of her bull.

You hurt me effortlessly all while claiming you want love all the while not knowing what love truly is

Because if you knew, I mean really knew, then you would know I am love and I just walked away from you.

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Maybe One Day…..

Maybe one day I will understand why.

Maybe one day it will all make sense. The lies, the promises broken and spent.

Maybe one day I can shed my armor exposing the delicate yet vulnerable heart within

Maybe one day.

Maybe one day it will all make sense and time spent will be time well spent. Lust won’t be dressed as love and forever won’t come with an expiration date.

Maybe one day all the pieces will come together, creating a portrait of something better.

Maybe one day they’ll be no poisonous touches and deadly kisses, no twisted motives weaved in well-wishes.

Maybe one day all the masks will come off and everyone will be seen just for who they aren’t

Maybe one day I will truly be love struck, but knowing me……..that’ll be the day that I won’t give a fuck!

truelove

If You See Him….

tell him I miss him…..

If you see him…..

tell him I love him…..

If you see him….

tell him I’d give my all to have one more chance…..

A Few Reasons Why I Will Probably Always Be Single…..

I always get approached by people who will say: You’re beautiful. I can’t believe you’re single? Why? Well I’m about to tell you:

1. I have trust issues. I admit it. I am one of the ones who will allow man to break out his BEST lines and all the while all I hear is  Charlie Brown’s teacher’s voice in my head. I don’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth and he could be telling the God’s honest truth. Words mean NOTHING to me. They are just that: WORDS. I don’t show any type of reaction until I SEE some sort of action. Don’t TELL me you’re gonna do something DO IT. Don’t TELL me you love me SHOW ME. And no it doesn’t have to be material things either. (see #12)

2. I am deeper than a bottle cap full of water. Now this really throws men for a loop. They don’t usually get beauty and brains all in one package so they are at a loss. So when I come at them with a REAL intelligent conversation they are stuck. We can talk about anything from Obama’s campaign to why Tupac is and alway will be the G.O.A.T. Oh and yes fellas, I’m smarter than your average bear (see# 3) There are certain things that you may be able to tell the next chick and her fall for that if you told me I’m gonna look at you like you’re crazy. There is nothing I hate more than a liar and a cheater.

3. I have a very low tolerance for bxtchassness and extra. So once a man starts with baby mama drama or excuse about why he can’t call or didn’t call or starts making things harder than they have to be it’s a wrap. Some have the wife who is technically the ex-wife cause y’all don’t live together but you still gotta do things all stealth like because of the divorce. See that’s extra to me. You tell me that you don’t know how to take it slow with a woman. It’s either ALL or NOTHING. That’s bxtchassness to me. How I just meet you and you already trying to move in? Maaann if you don’t……

4. I don’t chase ANYONE. Let me repeat that. I DO NOT CHASE ANYONE. I am not one to blow up anyone’s phone with text’s or calls just for the hell of it. Do I look like a 13 year old? If I am interested he will know. And if we are more than just friends it won’t have to be validated daily by 101 texts and phone calls. If any man is in need of that type of validation then he doesn’t need a relationship he needs a shrink.

5. I like sports, football to be exact. So if I am out at a sports bar on a Sunday drinking a beer, YES I am there to watch the game. So if I am approached by a man I will get irritated, especially if he’s yapping RIGHT in the middle of a play! Can we not talk about this during half-time? If not then we don’t need to talk. I am not one of those women who prance around pretending to like football just to get a man’s attention. I actually know what  “zone blitz” and “button hook” means.

6. I’m 70% girly-girly and 30% tom-boy. Basically that means I gets my sexy on most of the time and I am very prissy. I am aImage self-professed shoe whore and love my heels. But there are times when I veg out on the couch with a beer and a bag of chip watching TV and playing Madden and if I’m not playing YOU please don’t bother me or try to hold a conversation that’s gonna make me have to keep pausing the game. Can you say “annoying” boys and girls? *rolls eyes*

7. I’m an Aries. I know you’re probably thinking: So! Well…Aries are very finicky creatures and we are known to be moody. I am not bite-your- head-off-just-because- it’s-Tuesday moody. But I am I-need-some-me-time-I’m-going-in-the-other-room-ALONE-to-read moody. And let’s face it a lot men don’t know how to handle it. I always get the “are you mad at me?” or the “what’s wrong? why don’t you wanna be around me?” Then I’m mad because I now feel like I’m dating a woman!

8. I don’t plan on getting pregnant ever. This is relevant because a lot of these rare men who are over 30 and child-less have been popping up lately and with me….not gonna happen. Sorry bruh. And I have been running into a lot of young ones too. Hey let’s face it….they don’t make ’em like they did when I was growing up. LOL! So of course these 20-nothings have no kids and can’t wait to have a mini-me. Keep it moving pot’na.

9. I am NOT a neat freak. I’m not a nasty slob but will you find a pair of shoes by the front door at times? Yes. Will you see the bed unmade a good bit of the time? Probably. Things like that don’t bother me. I am only OCD about one room in the house and that’s the bathroom. Every other room is fair game. If I wanted to live in a museum I would’ve moved into one. I do have my “day” of cleaning . It’s usually Saturday’s. I will clean top to bottom front to back. And that’s ONLY if I’m in the mood.

10. I have a smart mouth. This just means I am sarcastic 90% of the time. My humor is unlike everyone elses. I have been told I am the female version of Chandler from the show Friends and I took that as a HUGE compliment. I could probably go toe to toe with Dr. House and hold my ground I’m THAT bad.  And sometimes I forget to put the safety on and stuff just falls out before I can catch it. So to be with me a man would have to have a sense of humor AND thick skin.

11. I don’t care. Now this may sound harsh so let me explain. If a man doesn’t call me or text me for a good bit of the day….I don’t care. He’s probably busy and I will talk to him later. But MOST men take that strictly as me not caring AT ALL. (see #4) I get busy I am usually doing 5-6 different things a day and I may not be able to call or text a man in that moment but when I am able to I will. When I am able to show I care I do. Hell I’ve sent a man flowers before to show him how much I cared because I knew we’d both been busy and hadn’t had much face-time.

12. This is gonna sound shallow but oh well. Looks matter to me…a little. I’m usually a mental person first then a visual. So if I click with someone mentally I am usually praying that he is fine as well. My brain is what I always say, my largest sex organ.I need a man who thinks outside the box. Who is creative but easy on the eyes. If a man can get in my head….eventually the pants will follow. I need to be able to look at you and WANT to get sweaty with you after we chop it up not look at you and be figuring out what I’m gonna have for dinner tomorrow.

13. And last but not least: I’ve been in love before and I know what it feels like to truly love someone. To be crazy about them and have them be crazy about you. To get butterfiles when you wake up because you know in a few moments your phone is gonna ring with your “good morning” phone call. (And this is months into the relationship…no just when it’s new) I know what that free-falling world by a string feeling is like. I’ve experienced it first hand. And now that I know what it feels like I won’t settle for anything less. Because I don’t deserve anything less.

So this is my list of reasons why I will probably be single the rest of my life and looking at the list….hell I wouldn’t even date me. LOL!

And let’s face it most men wouldn’t survive #1 and if they do manage to somehow claw their way through number one, their heads would probably explode with #2 so I have nothing to worry about.

I Think……..I Know Too Much….

I think that true love doesn’t have endings….

I think that if two people love each other nothing will ever keep them apart….

I think happily ever after involves growing old together and enjoying every moment…

I think being crazy in love isn’t so crazy after all

I believe in serendipity

I think it’s possible to fall in love at first sight

I think a person can love someone enough for a lifetime plus one day

I think fairytales are possible

I think forever can start with a layover

I know once you’ve loved and lost…..I mean REALLY lost….that empty feeling never really goes away.

I know it’s possible for a heart to break from the pain of losing someone.

I know how hard it is to breathe when the one who gave you life is gone.

I know what it feels like to love someone with every cell in your body only to have that love rejected.

I know how hard it is not to call, text or email someone you swore you’d never speak to again.

I know what it’s like to act like your soulmate doesn’t exist all the while knowing exactly where they are.

I know how it feels to have a heart full of regret yet still have a hole so big from the one that was lost.

I know you can’t take back words once they’ve been said.

I know you can’t unlove someone you truly love.

I know what it feels like to have the same lips that once showered you with love spew hate at you.

I know what it feels like to stand once the dust settles ready to forgive and mend only to find no one there.

I know I have forever been changed. 

I think I know…… I will never love again…..

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